I AM JUST A GIRL
I am dysfunctional. I am deficient. I am not good enough. My life is a mess. I can’t do this. She is better than me. God could have chosen her to do this task instead of me. She is a better wife. His kids are well behaved than mine. I can’t succeed. He is better of a student than I am. I can’t be trusted. What if I fail? What do people think of me? This relationship will not work. I feel so stupid. This idea is crap. My business is a joke. Nobody takes me seriously. I don’t have confidence in myself. I don’t have what it takes. I have committed too many sins. I am not loved. The list can go on and on and on. These are some of the statements that go on in our minds. We are constantly in dialogue with ourselves. You know those little but powerful conversations that you have with yourself. Sometimes you do it unconsciously, as you walk across the street to grab some coffee, as you wait for a bus, as you drive home, even in church as the choir sings or you could be part of the choir but these thoughts keep on coming and coming and you seem out of control.
I have found myself in this place, not once or twice but countless times. I have found myself listening to what people say I am. I have frequently believed my small stupid voices in my mind that I forget what God says I am. To tell you the truth, everyone has these moments. Even the great people that you admire. The greatest comedians, you will be surprised the small voices that tell them they are not funny enough. Sometimes when I look at people who have gone ahead of me in terms of my career or ministry, most of the times they intimidated me rather than motivate me because I mostly find myself comparing myself to them. Most often we blame the devil for our down falls in life. Well, am not on his side but it is the access that we give him that makes us feel that he is in control. The devil is of course a part of the equation of our miserable lifes but he ought to get access in order to strike us. I have always known that Eve gave in to the devil’s temptation because she was tempted but lately I have found out that Eve fell into the temptation because she allowed the devil to strike the conversation with her and she encouraged him by responding to him. The devil of course did what he does the best. He took the truth and turned it into a lie. ‘Did God really say?’ (Genesis 3)
Charles Spurgeon said. ‘Beware of no man more than of yourself. We carry our worst enemies within us’. This statement is super true. I mean, we are our own enemies. I am my own enemy. In the first paragraph I have given an example of some of the statements we use to ourselves. We will rarely address ourselves in second person, it’s I.. I am.. I am this.. I am not that… I am not gonna make it. When we do this we are actually confessing to ourselves, and sooner or later we believe it and we start being that. As the man thinketh in his heart so is he (Proverbs 23:7). That’s the word of God. The bible doesn’t say ‘as a man confesses with his mouth so is he’ it’s as a man thinks. Yes, as you think of yourself, that’s how you are or you will be sooner or later. Maybe this doesn’t touch you but it makes a whole lot of difference in my thoughts. I am what I think I am. Wait a minute, even the degrees that I have can’t work for me if I still think I am a loser or that I can’t make it in life?
When God the almighty was calling Moses (Exodus 3&4) he felt inadequate. He felt that someone else can do the job better than he could. Moses had a past like all of us have unless you have just been born. He had an ugly past. He had murdered an Egyptian and pharaoh was after his neck. He was a stutterer. He was not a rich guy for all I know he worked for his farther in law. But lol and beyond, God left his brother Aaron who was very eloquent in speech. He left the other guys who didn’t have a murder record and a death sentence waiting for them. He chose Moses. Yes, that guy who had doubts about God using him. Isn’t it amazing how God really knows us and I mean really knows us more than we even know ourselves and he still loves us so unconditionally and to top it up he wants to use us. Like seriously God. Well he is God. My point is, regardless of how small we see ourselves God has another view of us.
I have realized that I don’t doubt that God will work; it’s the fact that God would actually use me that I doubt! Me of all the others!
When you realize that you have your own path to follow and your own race to run and win, you will quit comparing yourself to others. You will stop spending your time on social medial and later on feel like crap coz your former classmate has just bought a house and you are struggling to pay rent. That people are travelling all over the world and the only travelling you have ever done is to your upcountry over the Christmas. Don’t underestimate yourself. Remember Mary the virgin. The mother of Jesus. She was just a girl and she became the mother of our savior. She definitely felt inadequate but she allowed God to use her. It’s not that she didn’t have those small voices in her head, but she made a choice. A choice of trusting God and letting His will to be done in her life.
Don’t allow the voices to overwhelm you. CRASH them. They have no place in your thoughts. ‘The voice you believe will determine the future you experience’ Pastor Steven Furtick.
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL.
dorcas tom 